My second week in Kiev I scheduled a date with a cute local girl, named Maria. I met her online, and was talking to her a week before my trip to Kiev. She was going to a bar called Banka near the University, and I was set to meet her, with a couple of her friends for a birthday.
I arrived a bit early with my wingman, Alex, and we grabbed a couple of drinks. Maria came in, sat down with her friends, I told her I’d come over in a bit. I wanted to play it a bit coy, like I didn’t care that she was there. She kept looking over at me, but I ignored, sat and drank my Cuba Libre (Rum and Coke), and talked to Alex.
Half-hour passed by, and Maria went out to go for a smoke. Seeing this as an excellent opportunity to avoid being the dancing monkey for her friends, I scurry outside and begin chatting with her, exchanging hugs.
“Who are those guys who sat next to you?” I asked.
“Creepy Turkish dudes. They asked to sit down, my friend said yes, I said no. But it’s her birthday so I was overruled” she replied. Her english was a bit broken, but I could make out what she was trying to say.
I laughed and suggested we head back inside. I sat next to Alex, and she went to tell her friends that I had arrived and she would sit with me. Her friends looked at me like a club bouncer, visually inspecting me before giving the smile of approval. If I didn’t pass the test, like a bouncer, I’d be told to go elsewhere.
She came to sit next to me, and Alex left to go stand by the door. A wingman is considered good if he willingly lets you have alone time with a girl if he can sense it’s needed, without being asked. It was a good move, and I appreciated it.
We flirted, she moved closer, and didn’t look back at her friends once. The night was going well, and I knew it’d be fairly easy getting her home. She was a cute girl, with dark black hair, and blue eyes. She was wearing a fake fur coat but it suited her well – she had the classic Slavic look that I liked.
I heard a voice from behind me that sounded familiar. As I turned around, my heart sunk. It was Katia. I had been seeing Katia for two weeks, and considered her my “stable” Kiev girl. She’d show me sights around town, make me food, and was great in bed. I could have settled down with her during my month to Kiev, but I wanted to taste what else the city had to offer.
I had always known this could be a possibility – on a date with one girl, when another girl I’m seeing shows up, makes a scene and they both pour wine on my freshly cleaned suit. However awkward you think it is in your head – multiply that by ten, and you might get a sense for how it felt.
My face got red. Alex later commented on how red it got, and we laughed about it. I said “Oh, Katia, how are you?” and looked back at Maria, barely acknowledging Katia. Maria asked who the girl was, and I made some lie about how she’s some crazy girl I met in my first week in Kiev. My years of pimping have finally caught up with me, I thought.
I was sandwiched in between two Ukrainian cats, and had to think fast.
I proceeded to tell the worst (or maybe best) lie in the history of lies. Something so bad that there was no way it would work…but it did.
“Who’s this girl, Remloh?” I looked at Katia, then looked at Maria. Maria looked at Katia, and asked me who she was. I was a mediator between two girls that didn’t know I was seeing them both.
I looked at Katia while Maria was taking a sip of her drink “Don’t make a scene. She’s my clients sister, I’m entertaining her, and keeping her busy” That was the lie. Maria didn’t hear what I said, but I figured Katia would freak out, slap me and make scene. She didn’t. I thought she’d leave, but she didn’t. She ordered a drink and was staying.
My wingman Alex was by the door on his phone, and noticed Katia sitting next to me, observing this less than ideal situation I was in. He had met Katia before, so he knew what was happening. I saw a free table in the corner for two, and moved Katia to the table while Maria was looking away. I texted her when I sat down “whenever I’m done with her, I’ll see you after. Tell me where you’re going next”
Alex proceeded to sit next to Katia, acting as a barrier and a distraction. This didn’t stop Katia from giving me death stares all night, however. Katia and Maria would occasionally catch glances of each other and give the “who’s this bitch” look to me.
I kept talking to Maria, sending texts to Katia in an attempt to diffuse the situation, and it seemed to be working.
“I can’t wait until I’m done with this girl…it’s so boring” i’d say. Katia was furious that Maria was being so flirty with me, and I knew that I had to leave the bar soon. A window opened when Karia went to the washroom. I told Maria to grab her coat, and we beelined for the exit. When Maria was putting on her scarf, it smacked Katia in the face. I thought sparks were going to fly, but they just gave eachother a bitch-face look, and continued on.
Katia and I headed to Arena City, about a ten-minute walk from Banka Bar, and continued the night. We drank, and went for a burger at The Burger, a decently-priced burger joint that is always open.
We sat at the booth in The Burger, and Maria sat right next to me, choosing to opt out of sitting on the other side of the booth. For a Ukrainian girl, she was quite aggressive in making her intentions known. She was staying at her friends house, so logistics weren’t an issue.
After another hour or so of eating and drinking, we headed back to my place, which was a five-minute cab ride. We got in, and she did everything short of jumping on me. We slept together, and she called a cab. Just as she was walking out of my apartment, Katia called – she wanted to see me.
I couldn’t say no, because I knew she would think I had slept with Maria, so I said yes. Ten minutes later, and the sex romp continued. Katia stayed until 4am before leaving. The night was saved. All’s fair in love and war.
What started as an uncertain night, where I thought I’d lose both girls, ended up in a great night where I ended up getting both of them. There’s nothing worse than this situation when you’re a guy. There aren’t many ways out, but if you can navigate this situation, you’ve earned my applause.
In hindsight, it was a mistake choosing a bar that she frequents. The possibility that Katia would show up was always there, so in the end I got what I deserved.
Overall it was a fun night, and it made for one hell of a story.